They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
