Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
