I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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