I accidentally had phone sex last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Drunk is a universal language darling
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
