My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
