So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
