If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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