is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have feelings that need drinking.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
