I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm really busy with my period
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