Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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