I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
