he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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