walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
