I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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