Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
