We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
