He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
