he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
