he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
