I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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