i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
