that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
