Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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