Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
