his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
