Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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