dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
