It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
