Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
