So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
now i know why i became what i already was.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
