why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
