The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
