fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
