Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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