Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
