why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
