i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
