We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
