you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
