Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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