I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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