Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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