woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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