She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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