I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
