doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
