i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
