wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
