WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
