you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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