You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
