I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
